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My anxious car

The car my generous brother gave to us really wants us to be safe when we drive. It really wants us to buckle up. If we don't put on those seatbelts right away, it beeps at us. And if we start rolling without seatbelts fastened, its blood pressure rises, its seatbelt light flashes, and its beeps become frantic.

But the poor thing can't tell the difference between a human in the seat and a 20-pound bag of Goya rice, as I discovered.

Now look: if someone of a mere 20 pounds were sitting in the front passenger's seat, that someone would be a baby, and that violates another prime directive of the car: no babies in the front seat.

The car must really think I'm a monster, letting my 20-pound baby rattle around in the front seat of the car. The car's probably figured, At the very least, let's get that baby fastened in.

So I obliged the car and fastened the seatbelt. I'm not sure it would have done the rice much good in a crash, though.

buckled in?


Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
frigg
Jan. 14th, 2015 10:50 pm (UTC)
lol...our cars are like that as well, only I'm little Ms. Goody Two-Shoes, so my car never has any sort of hysterical fits - until C uses it. Then it makes sounds I've never heard before. :p
asakiyume
Jan. 14th, 2015 11:49 pm (UTC)
I suppose we could think of it as C. trying to engage the car in conversation. "You've been mighty quiet recently... let me give you something to talk about."

But I guess that's more provocation than conversation.
pameladean
Jan. 14th, 2015 11:37 pm (UTC)
This cracked me up, but it also reminds me of the AI car in Gwyneth Jones's Bold as Love series. The owners have to treat it rather as one would a somewhat neurotic pet -- maybe a parrot, because provisions have to be made for it should anything happen to its people.

P.
asakiyume
Jan. 14th, 2015 11:48 pm (UTC)
Oh I need to check out that Bold as Love series, then, because I was totally thinking that one could build a story around a neurotic, entitled, but ultimately caring car-character.
(no subject) - pameladean - Jan. 14th, 2015 11:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Jan. 15th, 2015 12:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - shewhomust - Jan. 15th, 2015 09:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - muuranker - Jan. 15th, 2015 09:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
khiemtran
Jan. 14th, 2015 11:46 pm (UTC)
I get the other problem sometimes - the sensors in the back seat don't think Liem is heavy enough to be a person and I start backing out before he's strapped in.
asakiyume
Jan. 14th, 2015 11:46 pm (UTC)
I advise Liem to cradle a bag of rice in his lap.
(no subject) - khiemtran - Jan. 14th, 2015 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Jan. 15th, 2015 12:12 am (UTC) - Expand
queenoftheskies
Jan. 15th, 2015 02:25 am (UTC)
LOL. My car does the same thing. They love us so. :)
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:08 am (UTC)
They do. They worry about us! They just want us to be safe.
sartorias
Jan. 15th, 2015 03:08 am (UTC)
I do not want machines yapping and beeping at me! Arglebargle!
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:09 am (UTC)
Yes, the extra noise is something I could do without, too.
danceswithwaves
Jan. 15th, 2015 08:09 am (UTC)

That's hilarious. I've had to do that when I had heavy things in the front passenger seat too. But sometimes the heavy thing is too big to get the seat belt around, so I have to buckle it behind the thing.

asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:09 am (UTC)
Same here!

And in this case the bag of rice was too small to hold the seatbelt, so the seatbelt was fastened but the rice was as freewheeling as ever.
wuweibaby
Jan. 15th, 2015 11:37 am (UTC)
That's a lot of rice, man
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:10 am (UTC)
We eat rice every day, so we get through a lot of it.
amaebi
Jan. 15th, 2015 01:17 pm (UTC)
I Always Buckle My Seatbelt. I likewise have raised Chun Woo to Always Buckle His Seatbelt.

Occasionally an accumulation in the front seat is a problem.

Once, in Rock Springs, I picked up Dawn to take her to church. Dawn is a simply enormous (muscle and bone) transgender woman, who was once a Lutheran Church-- Missouri Synod pastor, before coming out as a transwoman. They don't permit women in ministry except to children. (Though I now know from kayre, who had a gig as a church organist at an LCMS, that shortage of men has led them to develop squiggles by which women can serve as church elders.) Dawn is the most openly grace-filled and grace-giving person I've ever known. Her house in Rock Springs was open for otherwise homeless youth who needed a place to live.

Dawn ignored the seatbelt with the tremendous style that characterizes her. I tried feebly to emulate her when the beeping started. And that is how I know that it stops eventually.
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:11 am (UTC)
Yes, I've realized it does stop too (unlike the little bell that went off in my boyfriend's car, half a lifetime ago, in Japan, when he drove over the speed limit. It just rang and rang and rang until he came back into compliance).

But when it stops, I get the sense of dispirited defeat on its part, and I feel bad!
(no subject) - amaebi - Jan. 16th, 2015 12:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Jan. 16th, 2015 12:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - amaebi - Jan. 16th, 2015 01:12 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Jan. 16th, 2015 03:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
j_cheney
Jan. 15th, 2015 01:40 pm (UTC)
::snorts::
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:12 am (UTC)
It's a very well-intentioned, responsible, rice-loving car.
puddleshark
Jan. 15th, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC)
I was driving round with a 20 kilo sack of horsefeed on the front passenger seat all morning. My car was too dispirited to comment.
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:14 am (UTC)
Dispirited! That's exactly the word! I think I stole it from you unintentionally when I responded to amaebi, above. There's a sense of resignation and defeat.
xjenavivex
Jan. 15th, 2015 06:10 pm (UTC)
LOL I am still trying to get used to the red car locking the doors when I start moving.
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 12:15 am (UTC)
Yeah, that's one of those safety features that's vaguely threatening. Try to escape NOW, Mr. Bond!
ericmarin
Jan. 16th, 2015 02:32 am (UTC)
*grin*
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC)
^_^
heliopausa
Jan. 16th, 2015 03:03 am (UTC)
What a nice person you are,to read it as anxious, and to try to put it at its ease! I'd be more likely to read it as bossy, and react with crabbiness. (Lesson noted for the future, though!)
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC)
Sometimes it does seem a bit bossy, but in a neurotic parent [like meeeee] sort of way :-P
lorigami
Jan. 16th, 2015 03:33 pm (UTC)
*giggle*
asakiyume
Jan. 16th, 2015 03:36 pm (UTC)
Car: Precious rice--we don't want it getting hurt

Me: But you realize the seatbelt doesn't even fit it

Car: (ignoring) Ahh, belt is fastened. All's well with the world.
( 38 comments — Leave a comment )

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