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There was a thunderstorm this afternoon, and a rainbow. That makes two rainbows I've seen since being on LJ.

The discussion on travelertrish's journal about hosting people made realize how selfish I am. selfish is such a broad word: I mean it in the Japanese sense of わがまま (wagamama)--I remember when Yuichi first called me that, jokingly and indulgently, but it was true. It means, "wanting things your own way..."

Just now, thinking about things, I realized how little I ever extend effort beyond what I want to do... and the sad thing is, I never usually even feel bad about that fact. This time, though, I started to think of the things that people have done for me in my life, and I thought... sometimes they've really gone out of their way for me, really put a lot of effort into it... probably sometimes it's even been a hassle for them, or a burden, but they've done it anyway. In my normal selfish mode, I'd just say in some frustration, "But I don't want people doing things for me unless they want to--I don't want them making themselves miserable for me." And, well, I don't want people to suffer or be miserable for me... but the thing I realize now is that sometimes when people want to do something for someone, then accept a little misery for the sake of the larger happiness, both theirs and the other person's. And I thought, I should try doing this too, at least a little.

So, I'm going to try...


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 9th, 2006 11:26 pm (UTC)
neat pics...I keep missing the ones here when it rains...
Sep. 10th, 2006 08:58 am (UTC)
I haven't seen rainbows in so long, and suddenly this year, two.
Sep. 10th, 2006 06:11 pm (UTC)
I can't remember the last time I saw a rainbow in real life. As a kid I remember seeing them all the time. Yet, I'm sure there's just as many now as there was when I was a kid, so it must be a matter of not having that sense of wonder that kids have. Thanks for the photos.
Sep. 10th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
It's not your sense of wonder, it's the opportunity to see them. When you were a kid, there were that many more chances to look up in the sky after a storm (I believe). Glad you liked the photos!
Sep. 10th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC)
I wrote this poem after seeing a rainbow very early one morning.


I have seen You as I never did before.
A sky of flat grey clouds like slabs of stone
Grew blazing in the East with pink and red,
And streaks of light as motionless as gold
Lay streaked across the giant towering dome.
Across London's horizon, black for light,
Sunlight shot to the sky in blasts of white;
Against it in the sky, translucent, peaceful,
A gentle rainbow lighted the grey heavens;
A little wind was blowing from the south,
But the sky stood in immovable adoration.

O Lord, o Love of gold and steel,
O Christ almighty, what must it be like
To see how Your glory is through all things?
Sep. 10th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
**thank you** for sharing this poem with me! I like that you have brought together the most ethereal of things with the most solid of things; things of the earth and things of the sky, and all of them shot through with the glory of God.
Sep. 10th, 2006 04:09 pm (UTC)
I have never been altogether satisfied with it - it was as though my language failed to say what I saw. And can you believe that I only now realized the awful clanger of "streaks lay streaked" in the fourth and fifth line? After seventeen years?!?
Sep. 10th, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC)
it was as though my language failed to say what I saw --that in itself is a tribute to the moment; it surpassed words. As for streaked and streaked--that's what happens when you look with fresh eyes at your work, I think. You probably haven't looked at it that many times in the intervening years. I have things like that happen to me all the time...
Sep. 10th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
I realized how little I ever extend effort beyond what I want to do...

I know what you mean, although the context is different. Here's to being useful! xoxo
Sep. 10th, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)
Being more useful, and, for me, pushing myself just a wee bit further than what I'm comfortable with, at least sometimes.

Do you remember in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan tells Eustace he has to peel off his dragon skin to go back to being a boy? And Eustace starts peeling, and it feels so good... but all he's done is go down one layer? And Aslan says he has to peel more deeply? And finally Eustace asks Aslan to do it, and it hurts, but feels so much better than before, and he's back to himself (only nicer)?

That's what I need to do.
Sep. 10th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
That's a great way to put it. I think I'm still on like layer 1 or 2 though ;)
Sep. 10th, 2006 04:41 pm (UTC)
The rainbow is beautiful! Did you make a wish?
Sep. 10th, 2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
Can you wish on rainbows? I've wished on shooting stars, first stars, and falling leaves that I've caught, but never a rainbow! Next time :-)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )



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