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Animal food restrictions

I thought this up after seeing a number of things debunking associations of certain foods with certain animals.

Animal Food Restrictions

Do not feed ducks breadcrumbs, which are a source of empty calories and may cause obesity and secondary health issues, such as diabetes. Substitute healthy snacks, such as cracked corn, seeds, or peas.

don't give this duck diabetes!
Photo source here

Many cats are lactose intolerant, and milk may make them vomit. Give your lactose-intolerant cat soy or almond milk, or coconut milk, if you’re trend conscious.

Photo source here

Carrots are high in sugar, and therefore rabbits should only eat them as special treats—for instance, on birthdays or holidays.

Happy Birthday!
Photo source here

Mice never really liked cheese and only eat it to be polite. They are, however, genuinely fond of chocolate.

Yessss, chocolate
Photo source here

You do not need to worry about bananas contributing to monkeys’ belly fat. Genetics, and not the food they eat, determine where monkeys accumulate fat, and monkeys are very body-positive, in any case.

Every inch of me is gorgeous
Photo source here

Goats do not actually eat tin cans. They do, however, eat smartphones, which are a good source of rare-earth elements.

I have all the data I need . . . within me
Photo source here

Sugar water is hummingbird meth. Why do you think they flit around like that? If you have a hummingbird feeder, you are an enabler and should be ashamed of yourself.

Give me another hit of the good stuff
Photo source here

Although they will eat humans, great white sharks actually prefer seals--but not the baby ones with the big eyes.

nervous-shark-meme cropped
We're not heartless
Photo source here

Peanuts are likely to trigger PTSD in elephants as the tasty legume was frequently used as bait in elephant traps during the prolonged elephant conflicts of the last century. For meaningful reconciliation with the elephant community, avoid offering peanuts.

How could you?
Photo source here

They say koalas eat only eucalyptus leaves, but if you check Snopes, you’ll see that they also like stuffed grape leaves and falafel.

For foodie koalas
Photo source here

Although baleen whales normally subsist on krill, they are fond of Asian noodles. However, owing to gluten sensitivity, ramen and udon are out. Try organic soba, made with 100 percent buckwheat, or Korean dotori guksu, made with acorn flour. Rice sticks are also generally a crowd pleaser.

Appreciated by whales
Photo source here



( 48 comments — Leave a comment )
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Feb. 2nd, 2015 04:42 pm (UTC)
monkeys are very body-positive, in any case

"It's funny because it's true." Homer Simpson
Feb. 2nd, 2015 06:52 pm (UTC)
Monkeys know how to rock it :D
Feb. 2nd, 2015 05:00 pm (UTC)
I knew some of those, but not all. Thanks for sharing and also for brightening the morning. :)
Feb. 2nd, 2015 06:54 pm (UTC)
Some of them are entirely invented, so I'd be surprised if you knew them :-)
Feb. 2nd, 2015 05:03 pm (UTC)
That goat pic is classic! :o)
Feb. 2nd, 2015 06:55 pm (UTC)
The world's most satisfied-seeming goat!
Feb. 2nd, 2015 05:50 pm (UTC)

Curious, did you mix real facts in with these? Because some are just hilarious and then some I'm like, waaait, is this maybe actually true? (Like the bunnies. And I think that mice tend to prefer peanut butter over cheese.)

Feb. 2nd, 2015 06:54 pm (UTC)
I did! I tried to start off with the true ones, only exaggerated a little (like, some cats really will vomit if they get milk, but probably no one would recommend coconut milk instead) and then get more and more off the wall.
(no subject) - asakiyume - Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:18 pm (UTC)
I just about fell out of my chair over these, particularly the body-positivity of the monkeys.

The very best expression is the goat's, though.

Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:45 pm (UTC)
Never was a goat more pleased with himself! (Searching for good images was half the fun)
Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:33 pm (UTC)
I love that shark. And the elephant's "how could you?"...
Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:46 pm (UTC)
It was a very remorse-inducing elephant eye.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:50 pm (UTC)
Now I want some dolmas (stuffed grape leaves).

I don't think soy or almond or coconut milk is in reality particularly good for cats.
On the other hand, goats can and will eat poison ivy. Keep that in mind if you ever need to get rid of the stuff.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 07:53 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I wouldn't want anyone to actually act on my advice!

Goats have also been used to eat invasive phragmites. They're indiscriminate and will also eat things like cattails, but apparently the cattails grow back quicker than the phragmites, so it works as a way of getting rid of the phragmites.

I know sheep are used to graze the areas under power lines in parts of Vermont, to keep them clear, instead of mowing. ... Or rather, I should say, so I've been told.
(no subject) - sovay - Feb. 2nd, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 2nd, 2015 08:06 pm (UTC)
Goats are so health conscious to have researched smartphones.
The people at the Finding Bigfoot TV show say Bigfoot love peanut butter. I'm relieved to know that because I was about to feed them chocolate.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:48 pm (UTC)
Now you can just fix some really large peanut butter sandwiches. Bigfoot is probably always in the mood for a picnic.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 08:40 pm (UTC)
I truly enjoy the way this starts out perfectly plausibly and then the next thing you know there's a happy goat with a smartphone in its belly and a meth-head hummingbird.


You do not need to worry about bananas contributing to monkeys’ belly fat. Genetics, and not the food they eat, determine where monkeys accumulate fat, and monkeys are very body-positive, in any case.

—I love this.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:52 pm (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed! I wrote it a while ago, but only today found images for it. Newsflash: there are lots of excellent animal images out there on the Internet.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 09:36 pm (UTC)
This gradually peels off the wall with the insidious inexorability of a One Direction poster stuck up with too little Blu Tack - great job!
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:40 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! And this comment is the best way to introduce the adjective "off-the-wall" that I have ever seen, and likely ever will see.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:18 pm (UTC)
These are great. Good to know what I shouldn't be feeding my whales.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:53 pm (UTC)
Really the pet store should have told you! But sometimes they forget....
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:21 pm (UTC)
That mouse looks like a very happy gerbil to me....
Love the goat's expression, too.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:55 pm (UTC)
Yessss, I suspect that is actually a gerbil. It looked enough like a fat version of a white-footed mouse that I gave it a pass.

Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:29 pm (UTC)
Very cute. And I just learned that dogs get very sick if they eat grapefruit.
Feb. 2nd, 2015 10:56 pm (UTC)
No grapefruit diets for dogs! They probably do better with the Atkins diet :-)
(no subject) - yamamanama - Feb. 3rd, 2015 12:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - asakiyume - Feb. 3rd, 2015 12:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - yamamanama - Feb. 3rd, 2015 12:08 am (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 3rd, 2015 12:16 am (UTC)
this was delightful :)

Now I want some Asian noodles.
Feb. 3rd, 2015 01:45 pm (UTC)
I know, me too!
Feb. 3rd, 2015 12:54 am (UTC)
:D Thank you! You made a great start to my day - I especially enjoyed the shark who's not heartless.
Feb. 3rd, 2015 01:45 pm (UTC)
My pleasure :-) Finding the images was lots of fun.
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( 48 comments — Leave a comment )

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