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super premium

At the train station, there were single-serving packages of instant oatmeal for sale. Not just any instant oatmeal, but Super Premium oatmeal. Super premium oatmeal? How does oatmeal get to be super premium, exactly? What distinguishes it from run-of-the-mill oatmeal? Are there any other things that are unlikely candidates for super premium status? The healing angel suggested traffic cones and elevators. I suggested intersections and nail clippers.

ckd linked me to this Tumblr post by Tumblr user maxistentialism that features EXTREME GAMING oatmeal. Evidentiary photo from the post:


( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 26th, 2014 12:31 am (UTC)
You charge a premium for it.
Jul. 26th, 2014 12:39 am (UTC)
Probably all items in a train station are super premium, then!
Jul. 26th, 2014 02:10 am (UTC)
Also, all items on a train. (Then again they are on a train and thus fairly premium to start with, aside from price.)
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:44 am (UTC)
Yeah, even we humans become super premium when we board a train!
Jul. 26th, 2014 01:44 am (UTC)
How funny.
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:45 am (UTC)
It got me thinking too about what other grandiose or irrelevant adjectives could be applied to oatmeal. Radiant maybe, or stalwart.

Stalwart, radiant oatmeal.
Jul. 26th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)
The Super Premium gives you the ability to leap tall buildings with a single bound.
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:46 am (UTC)
Now I'm wishing I'd bought some!
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:47 am (UTC)
OMG. The absolute best. Adding some of those pictures to this entry!
Jul. 26th, 2014 03:58 am (UTC)
Super premium mouse pad, I think, is another good one?
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:38 am (UTC)
That's a perfect one. I wish I had a super premium mouse pad, and not one from University Press Scholarship Online, which God knows how it even fell into my possession...
Jul. 26th, 2014 04:13 am (UTC)
I think if it's super premium it should do my dishes, too.
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:39 am (UTC)
I hear self-cleaning meals are the next big thing. The next big super premium thing.
Jul. 26th, 2014 07:17 am (UTC)
Re: Elevators. After living in Egypt, I believe in Super Premium elevators, or at least that there can be elevators of super premium status. Actually my first elevator eye-opener was in France with the teensy tiny lifts that were retrofitted into all those old apartment buildings.

But the Egyptian "problem" with elevators is one of safety.

Edited at 2014-07-26 07:18 am (UTC)
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:42 am (UTC)
I think there should be a diametrically opposed opposite to super premium that would be what we could call tiny, terrifying, unsafe elevators. Or maybe we just apply the super premium to the fear factor. Those elevators call themselves super premium, but with an asterisk, which explains the truth--more unsettling than the small print on prescription drugs that lists a slew of lurid possible side effects, usually including death.
Jul. 26th, 2014 07:31 am (UTC)
Maybe super premium instant oatmeal is so instant, you feel satisfied just looking at it?
Jul. 26th, 2014 11:43 am (UTC)
worked for me! I certainly felt satisfied after my encounter with this super premium oatmeal, and as you can see, it's been the oatmeal that keeps on giving.
Jul. 26th, 2014 12:57 pm (UTC)
I like the idea of premium traffics cones. And there are traffic cones called "premium" by the manufacturer. I can't think of many objects that are so commonplace they couldn't be adorned with something to make them premium. The word premium is overused in marketing. I love some of the synonyms for overused I found at thesaurus.com – exhausted, overworked, mildewed, stale, banal, bathetic, moth-eaten, musty, shopworn and threadbare.
An advertising agency could promote itself as producing the most "overworked, mildewed, stale, banal, bathetic, moth-eaten, and musty" marketing slogans.
Jul. 26th, 2014 01:02 pm (UTC)
Your last sentence quite literally made me laugh out loud--and I mean literally in the original meaning of the word. I actually laughed out loud.
Jul. 26th, 2014 01:35 pm (UTC)
Hmmm steel cut and they left the steel in it?
Jul. 26th, 2014 01:46 pm (UTC)
LOL, super shiny stainless steel oatmeal!
Jul. 26th, 2014 06:32 pm (UTC)
I laughed so hard at this post that my sister came to see if I was all right. XDDD
Jul. 27th, 2014 01:50 am (UTC)

Super Premium oatmeal will do that to a person!
Jul. 26th, 2014 09:13 pm (UTC)
Extreme Gaming Oatmeal
Ahyup, over the top.
Jul. 27th, 2014 01:50 am (UTC)
Re: Extreme Gaming Oatmeal
for sure!
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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